Day 11
Great king, you should now understand this.
Having walked about in a certain place,
I immediately gained the samadhi
that allows me to manifest all physical forms.
I have carried out my endeavors with great diligence
and cast aside the body that I loved. (Lotus Sutra)
This morning, I am contemplating the beauty and wisdom of samadhi and the movement from one body into another. From one way of being to another. From one state of awareness to another. From He made the moon to its setting. From light to physicality, till the return.
This is the body I now dwell within. I feel balance within the form of imbalance. It is as though it were a new vessel. Why would I say this? While I have had symptoms for many years, these very obvious external tremors, the stiffness and slowness of movement, the difficulty in using a computer mouse, and in getting the feet to cooperate, these are a part of this new body - a changed season for this physical being.
So, in a sense, I now dwell in a new body. I fully expect that this will be an amazing adventure. I'm still wrapping my head around this. I have a feeling that if there is progression, with each change I will need to adjust to the newness of being.
This morning, when John awoke, he expressed a concern.
He said that he has noticed that I am unable at times to control the movement of my feet. On some of our warmup exercises, I cannot get my feet to do ankle circles. He is worried that it may soon be unsafe for me to drive.
I told him that right now that is not an issue. I have slowed down when I drive, making sure to give plenty of room between me and the car in front of me. I know his concern is legitimate. The idea of giving up my freedom of movement, the ability to make a choice to go somewhere and execute that choice, it is difficult. I know that one day I might not be able to drive. Hopefully, that will be a long time from now.
It isn't so much the idea that I won't be able to drive. It is that I won't be able to visit my children or go to the gym whenever I want. It would be like a perpetual lockdown - a prison fashioned by a disability.
-------------------------
Well, I finished my shake. It's time to get ready to go to the gym. I am looking forward to it. It is both a challenge and fun. I get to explore the carnival-like rides of tangled feet, shaking hands, and a spinning world ... all while laughing with John as we play.
Sometimes, I feel like a little kid again. I'm learning new ways of moving the body, while engaging in fun games and activities.
------------------------
John led me through our normal workout, but with one tiny switch. Then we both did functional exercises for about 10-minutes. We decided that was enough at the gym and headed over to the community center.
We batted around a ball for about ten-minutes, before my body demanded the bathroom. We played for about ten more minutes or so, and I was back in the bathroom. It is hard to know if these bathroom calls were from the protein shake or the result of Parkinson's intestinal spasms. We did a few more minutes and then I was done. Altogether, it was a good 20-minute cardio session.
John went into Walmart for me and picked up some Butter Lettuce. While John took his shower, I made black refried bean tacos. I enjoyed watching a show while I ate.
Now, as I finish writing this entry, it is time to start brain games and chess puzzles. I have other things I'd like to do. I would prefer to study Scripture or write or watch videos. But this is the blessing Parkinson's gives - the opportunity to train the mind in new ways. Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to experience life.
Having walked about in a certain place,
I immediately gained the samadhi
that allows me to manifest all physical forms.
I have carried out my endeavors with great diligence
and cast aside the body that I loved. (Lotus Sutra)
This morning, I am contemplating the beauty and wisdom of samadhi and the movement from one body into another. From one way of being to another. From one state of awareness to another. From He made the moon to its setting. From light to physicality, till the return.
This is the body I now dwell within. I feel balance within the form of imbalance. It is as though it were a new vessel. Why would I say this? While I have had symptoms for many years, these very obvious external tremors, the stiffness and slowness of movement, the difficulty in using a computer mouse, and in getting the feet to cooperate, these are a part of this new body - a changed season for this physical being.
So, in a sense, I now dwell in a new body. I fully expect that this will be an amazing adventure. I'm still wrapping my head around this. I have a feeling that if there is progression, with each change I will need to adjust to the newness of being.
This morning, when John awoke, he expressed a concern.
He said that he has noticed that I am unable at times to control the movement of my feet. On some of our warmup exercises, I cannot get my feet to do ankle circles. He is worried that it may soon be unsafe for me to drive.
I told him that right now that is not an issue. I have slowed down when I drive, making sure to give plenty of room between me and the car in front of me. I know his concern is legitimate. The idea of giving up my freedom of movement, the ability to make a choice to go somewhere and execute that choice, it is difficult. I know that one day I might not be able to drive. Hopefully, that will be a long time from now.
It isn't so much the idea that I won't be able to drive. It is that I won't be able to visit my children or go to the gym whenever I want. It would be like a perpetual lockdown - a prison fashioned by a disability.
-------------------------
Well, I finished my shake. It's time to get ready to go to the gym. I am looking forward to it. It is both a challenge and fun. I get to explore the carnival-like rides of tangled feet, shaking hands, and a spinning world ... all while laughing with John as we play.
Sometimes, I feel like a little kid again. I'm learning new ways of moving the body, while engaging in fun games and activities.
------------------------
John led me through our normal workout, but with one tiny switch. Then we both did functional exercises for about 10-minutes. We decided that was enough at the gym and headed over to the community center.
We batted around a ball for about ten-minutes, before my body demanded the bathroom. We played for about ten more minutes or so, and I was back in the bathroom. It is hard to know if these bathroom calls were from the protein shake or the result of Parkinson's intestinal spasms. We did a few more minutes and then I was done. Altogether, it was a good 20-minute cardio session.
John went into Walmart for me and picked up some Butter Lettuce. While John took his shower, I made black refried bean tacos. I enjoyed watching a show while I ate.
Now, as I finish writing this entry, it is time to start brain games and chess puzzles. I have other things I'd like to do. I would prefer to study Scripture or write or watch videos. But this is the blessing Parkinson's gives - the opportunity to train the mind in new ways. Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to experience life.